and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize