The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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