I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
