His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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