I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
