Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
