this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
