I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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