if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
