I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
