I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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