Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
