Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
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hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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