i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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