He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
