I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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