Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Someone signed my nipple.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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