What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
