i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
