Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
