I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He shit in the fireplace
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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