Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
