Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
