I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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