3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
