There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
