just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
