do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
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i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
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We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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