Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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