Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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