Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
