i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.