Having a random hookup so left but love u
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What drink are we having for lunch?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
