Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.

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  (604): she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me. http://tfl.nu/s0lh
  Replies (73) Good night (1266) Bad night (17590)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth

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  (860): He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth http://tfl.nu/3n80
  Replies (54) Good night (643) Bad night (10348)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.

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  (703): threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased. http://tfl.nu/r0ay
  Replies (14) Good night (947) Bad night (4049)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

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  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (123) Good night (47464) Bad night (1911)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..

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  (772): I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all.. http://tfl.nu/gmlb
  Replies (9) Good night (722) Bad night (1792)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.

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  (229): Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night. http://tfl.nu/rfsw
  Replies (0) Good night (1255) Bad night (508)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.

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  (630): I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time. http://tfl.nu/846n
  Replies (7) Good night (513) Bad night (1367)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Feel free to use me as a reference.

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  (778): Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack. (778): Feel free to use me as a reference. http://tfl.nu/6uxg
  Replies (8) Good night (1644) Bad night (445)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  That is like, the point of shorts

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  (414): Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard. (1-414): That is like, the point of shorts http://tfl.nu/qcbf
  Replies (5) Good night (1409) Bad night (807)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian

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  (970): This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian http://tfl.nu/y4qc
  Replies (5) Good night (949) Bad night (440)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER

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  (434): THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER http://tfl.nu/7inm
  Replies (8) Good night (905) Bad night (464)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.

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  (954): I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/1wnj
  Replies (5) Good night (774) Bad night (431)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.

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  (+61): I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up. http://tfl.nu/br5b
  Replies (1) Good night (539) Bad night (172)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day

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  (304): I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day http://tfl.nu/acew
  Replies (4) Good night (322) Bad night (535)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here

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  (914): Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here http://tfl.nu/yns8
  Replies (4) Good night (272) Bad night (542)

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