That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.