Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(559): View more from California

Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.

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(585): View more from New York

at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.

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(720): View more from Colorado

This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(440): View more from Ohio

somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me

(310): View more from California

maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA

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(517): View more from Michigan

Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.

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(516): View more from New York

my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.

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(757): View more from Virginia

IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP

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