apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
