They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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