Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
