i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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