I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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