I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
