she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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