Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
