My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
