I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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