i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize