Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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