Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
