i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
