I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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