May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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