Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
why do cheetos always look like penises
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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