where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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