She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
