THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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