May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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