last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
