My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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