What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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