Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
