omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
