i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.