TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son