I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...