I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration