So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize