yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
