i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
